Awake
by MaggsAM
Summary: R is adjusting to existing, but it proves to be more difficult than anticipated. With Julie's help, can R face the laws of nature, acceptance of himself, and becoming the face of a global revolution? With each day, reality looms closer and R finds himself to be the catalyst that could change the world. But is he ready for it?
1. Prologue

** No one can say exactly when war begins. Is it that first initial spark of hatred between two dictators which eventually become a catalyst for entire countries? Or is it a constant state, as natural to nature as existing? Cyclical, like life and death? Only there is no death, just waves of stagnant pauses. Pregnant with anticipation. The open space crackles with barbaric excitement until the spark is ignited once more. Is war like that?**

** Sometimes I try to remember the first conscious day I had as someone who was undead. Did I just appear in the airport, one day conscious? Not quite awake, but not quite dreaming. Looking back, my days as zombie were like that brief period of time between sleeping and waking. With every day I knew Julie, I slowly became more aware, until I was completely and fully awake. Alive. I still have no previous recognition as my former life as a human. Only my life as a human now. And my life as a human now is even more beautiful than I could imagine it being. **

**I finally exist. **

**And that is as magical as it is terrifying.**


	2. Chapter 1

It's only been a few weeks since I gained a heartbeat. Every now and then, I'm startled by it. Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night. As it does now.

"R?" Julie whispers, placing her hand on the now-warm skin of my back.  
I know she sees my body convulsing, and I'm so embarrassed and scared.  
I watch out of the corner of my eye as her tan legs swing out from underneath the bed sheets, and follow them until they are directly in front of me.  
"Water?" She whispers, melting the word onto my forehead with her soft mouth.  
I try to answer but my breath is exiting and leaving my body at a rapid rate. My thoughts are racing too fast to formulate words.  
I'm scared when she leaves, but I'm still unable to move my body from the bed. I trust her to return. This hasn't been the first time I've awoken at night in a state of panic.  
She does return with a glass of water in hand. She extends the cup to me, but my hands are shaking too badly to hold it.  
Gently, she places her index finger into the cool water, and traces my lips with the liquid. I can feel my rapid breath radiating hot and heavy off of her hand. She tips the cup into my mouth and I take a loud gulp.  
The water calms me down a bit and I shut my eyes. By chest is still heaving, and my hand is placed over my sternum, right over that bumping within my chest cavity.  
She sits patiently beside me for a few minutes until my breathing has finally slowed down.  
When I open my eyes, she is staring at me. Her blonde waves in a curtain behind her long grey t-shirt. Her blushed mouth and wide eyes. I'm reminded all over again how lovely she is.  
"I'm sorry." I manage to say.  
"It's understandable. This is a completely different lifestyle."  
"Lifestyle. It's a completely different existence. It's a life." I smiled crookedly, and she echoes the motion.  
"You know what these are, don't you? These fits?"  
"I heard you speaking to Nora about them."  
"There is nothing to be ashamed of. I get them sometimes too. It's a human thing. You're just overwhelmed right now."  
I rubbed my eyes with the pads of my thumbs. Julie had been incredible through all of this. I often felt like a burden. Like a hybrid adult-infant, trying to learn life skills I should already know. Like how to cook food. What to do in a shower. How to do my own laundry. These things I had to work at.  
Other things came naturally. Like realizing I had to stand up when I pee, instead of sitting down like Julie. She didn't teach me to use the bathroom, and for that I am incredibly grateful.  
Kissing. That's another thing that just happened without thought. I don't know if I'm much good, but Julie seems to really be into it, so I guess I can't be awful.  
Even existing. Julie gives me reassurance that I'm going to be just fine. As long as she keeps me around, I know I can't be too much of a fuck up.

Fuck up. That's another thing that I've picked up on. Julie's language. Although, once again, Julie doesn't seem to mind. I remember the first time I muttered the f-word. I was cracking an egg on a pan to make breakfast, and I had just shattered my third egg in a row to a completely useless ruin.  
"Fuck." I huffed, and reached for another. But Julie caught my hand in hers. Her eyes were wide and a slow smile spread across her face.  
"What did you say?"  
I hadn't realized I'd even said the word until she brought attention to it.  
"Fuck." I said again, nonchalantly.  
Julie kissed me very hard after that.

"Your mind is racing again." Julie whispered into my ear. She does that when I get too caught up in my own thoughts. I could sit in silence for days, analyzing life entirely in my head. Like I did when I was a zombie.  
"Sorry." I smile, and tilt my head to kiss her.  
Her lips are always warm. Borderline feverish. And soft.  
"Come here." She breathes onto my lips, and I feel her hands pull me back down to the bed, gently pulling the blankets up beneath my chin. The soft glow of light from outside throws an illumination across half of her face. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks.  
I store moments like this inside of my mind. A snapshot so I can remember and keep it close to my heart for always.  
"Are you ready for tomorrow?"  
"As ready as I can be." I reply.  
"You're prepared. And people respect you. They trust you."

Right.

Because I was the first to turn. At least, the first that humans knew of. Now, hundreds of people flooded into this makeshift city every day. Rumors of humanity thriving, of the disease having a cure, and the source of this revelation was this small city. And the hub in which the source first began, in the center of this small city, was this small apartment. In this small bed, with two small people.  
Myself and Julie.

We started all of this. And now we were expected to finish it.

Right.


End file.
